Leadership

I think the lack of trust in people and then the incessant need for fairytales makes this a place I need.  I don't always believe or trust those who occupy leadership positions.  They are prone to very human failings, and don't have the best interests of the people at heart.  But then, people don't have the best interests of the leaders at heart either now do they?

People still gossip about King David using his position of honor to deprive a person of his life and marry his widowed wife.  He hurt someone, and in the moment he hurt that person, no one remembered that helped so many others, even the person he hurt, even the husband who was killed.

I have to realize, I am expendable to leaders, I am seen only as a sinner deserving of pain and shame and therefore, none of them are good leaders for me.  I must think my way through because trusting them would mean more of their "consequence choices." The less contact or opportunity for contact with these sorts of leaders, the better.

I was married to that sort of leader.  I never want another such marriage.

Marriage to anyone now would be that sort of marriage since I am no longer young and never was beautiful nor extremely good at acing tests and therefore could not qualify for the position as their wife.

I think of you that way sometimes.  It isn't just a man thing it is a people thing.  Too many men and women think they are better than the person they are sleeping with.  In my opinion, you would despise me just as he did, just as society in general does and has since the beginning of time.

Oh how I want to believe in you, and I will continue to try.