Incorruptibility

I have wondered at times what it might be like to be incorruptible.  What would it be like to have the kind of body that would not decompose after death, and why would I want to not disperse back into the soil of the earth which gave me my life and my living?

Song from A Secret Garden

The young man and the song
remind me of you,
except for me, you will

always be cuter than he.

Discussion

I listened to a discussion among the community in church one day.  One fellow felt defensive about his solitary state and claimed he was unmarried and childless because he had not yet met the right person.  I have thought about that.  He is correct in one respect.  He has not met the right person and it is likely he never will.

To meet the right person, one must open the mind and heart.  Likewise, to be the right person for someone else the same conditions must be met.  Those of us with closed minds and hearts will never meet the right person or be the right person for anyone.

Two people can be going down the road of life  doing the best they can, being the best they can be and still not be good for each other. It takes more than just wanting and needing and giving to make relationships work.There is no greater gift from God than people we love and memories we share.

My grandson

My grandbaby was born without anyone contacting me to let me know.  I would have liked to know my grandchildren.  But I raised some children who blame me for all of their problems.  So I will never see my grandbabies.

Family can be a wonderful thing, but it can also be the most hurting thing on this earth.

It is important to be careful about who you share memories with.  I just share them with you here.  If I tried to share them with you in person, you might use them to hurt me, just like my children or my ex husband.

To be too close to someone is to ask for more pain I think, so I will just love you here, and maybe the others too who don't value me and blame me for their problems.

Wouldn't it be nice if there were a world where we could be away from all the negatives?

Someday I suppose my grandchildren will wonder why I didn't love them.  Sometimes I feel  that way about my grandparents, like they might not have liked me if they met me.  Some grandparents don't.  Some of us will never get the chance to see or love our grandchildren.

I think about the future.  What responsibility do I have to those who have decided to exclude me from their lives and the lives they are responsible for?

I think at this point, the only thing I am responsible for is the documentation of life, in case a day comes when my grandchildren feel curious to discover who they are and where they came from.  It hurts to be rootless, left without a history.  It has been a big problem for me.

Rose Tree

talking

Sometimes I wish I could talk with you,
really talk about how I feel, what I see
and hear you talk about what matters to you
and the things you feel and believe

But then I remember the picture you showed me
of the girl you want most to see
And I know with you there is no point in talking
of what matters most to me

Because I'm not a living doll
what I love most doesn't matter at all
to you or to those who love you
I'm not who you want to love you.

So I talk to you here, in this public place
and long every so often for a glimpse of your face
And I'll never be who you want to be with
Maybe that's one of God's gifts

Because I know what its like to be with someone
who doesn't like me at all
and never live up to the list in his mind
of who he wants as his girl.

So to have my joy in life sucked away
to be minimized by your eyes day by day
to be criticized and subtly mocked
to be judged as lacking each time I talk

I think the price is too high to pay
for living and bonding with someone
because I already feel like dying
from the last time that was done

If we are not meant to be loved in this life
and be with the one whom we love
then what are the reasons for living at all
or even waking up?

journal

Two weeks since I last saw you.  You waved. I guess you were waving goodbye.  I miss you when I don't see you.  I will try to make a picture I can look at each day so the missing won't be so awful. After all, you have never given me a picture of you nor invited me to depend on you.  I really have no rights where you are concerned.  I just daydream of you endlessly, that's all.

I want you to be happy, but I don't think I'm the one who can make your happiness happen, so I pray for you to find one who can.  Meanwhile, I wish I were the one you dream of, who could make your happiness come to you.

Room full of angels

When in your life comes a shortage of miracles
and darkness is closing around
and no one is there to remind you
where the way to Heaven is found
When you're lost in despair
and the sorrow is there
to haunt your every move
Let's paint you a room full of angels
on the blank walls all around you.

Paint you a room full of angels
to watch over you while you sleep
to ward off the fear and the shadows
and the worries that crawl and creep
Let thoughts of your loved ones flow round you
restful visions calm and serene
Paint you a room full of angels
to keep safe your hopes and dreams.

Anniversary

It was hard getting through the one year anniversary of my father's death.  It was also the one year anniversary of the hug you gave me.  You weren't at church today. I missed you.  I wish sometimes I could have even just one more hug from you.  No arms are more comforting than yours.  I love you.

Flatpack Stories

Flatpack Stories: Trolleys from Rachel Tracy on Vimeo.

One day when surfing the internet I decided to put my name into the search engines to see what they would come up with.  I found many other people with my name. Some I recognized as relatives but others were in far away places. This one is overseas in England, much younger and cuter than I am with a British accent.  But she has about the same eye and hair color.  If your eyesight is foggy sometime you might mistake her for me if she doesn't say anything.

Dusty Miller

Castles in the Air.

 

Dreaming of you is like building castles in the air, 

a pleasing pastime but so unreachable. 

Why do I dream of you? 

Maybe it is because I need so much to dream,

but cannot commit to the dream.

Maybe it is because you were already a dream in the past

and I am comfortable dreaming of you.

You were always unreachable just like

that castle in the air.

I don't really know what I would do 

if I could reach you.
Try to love you the best I could I suppose.

Would I lose the dream in the details of reality?

It takes a lot of love to make dreams come true.

Am I better off just keeping the dream

and going on with life?

Pearls

6 ¶Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, 

neither cast ye your pearls before swine, 

lest they trample them under their feet, 

and turn again and rend you.

I don't think you are a dog or a swine,

but I did not think he was either.

I thought I could love him,

that if we tried hard and worked at it

we could build a good life together

maybe even eternity.

I was wrong.

If my feelings for you are sacred to me 

but not sacred to you,
I should not bother you with them.

Let me say again, 

I don't think you are a swine or a dog

but I am not important to you

and my feelings aren't 

what you want me to feel toward you.

But I have to think about them

and feel them through.

Feelings are like that.

I'm not ready for you to 

laugh at them or kick them yet.

It's not your fault I feel this way.

You just didn't know

you are a pearl to me.

Wilson Phillips - Release Me (1990)

I wish he would release me, and everyone and everything I love.
You have the power to break his hold on me.  I wish you would help me.

Blue sky

A photo posted by rltracy (@rl_tracy) on Aug 18, 2015 at 10:06pm PDT

You and I share the same sky.  I love you.  Thank you for sharing.

Flowers at the library

A photo posted by rltracy (@rl_tracy) on Aug 18, 2015 at 10:04pm PDT

Something we could

Gardens are something we can always share and feel okay about it even if we can't see each other when we see them.

Three Two One

10/12/12

Three Two One

In September, my cousin, Michael Hoff Tracy, passed from this world alone in his truck in southern California of unknown causes.  He was missing for three weeks before someone collecting scrap metal found him.  There were no signs of foul play, and he was not robbed.  He had just gone to be by himself for a while, maybe to watch the sun go down, or maybe to just be quiet.

He was my first cousin.  I never met him, never knew him.  In his way he made an impact on my life.  I wanted to meet him though.  Now I never will.

His sister reported him missing, received the information, made the arrangements for his remains, and sorted through his things.  She drew this picture of him.

None of us knows in our final hour where we will be or whom we will leave behind. May the Lord be with all of our loved ones and the unloved also.  May we always be truly grateful for those willing to love and help us, because the love in this world is scarce and becoming more scarce with passing time.  And what will we do when it is utterly gone from the earth?

Quoted from a comment on YouTube:

This song is about the loss of a friend or family member - the passing of them and how life changes without them, how it feels empty and sad. But life is just a visit here and Death is not the end just a different plane of existence.

 

Your text goes here...

Sunset

Maybe somehow you saw this sunset yesterday when I did.

I hope so. The wildfires are burning and leaving the skies 

full of smoke, but the sunsets and sunrises are always beautiful.

Helicopter wreck

In 1991 I watched my neighbor die. At the time I did not know I was watching the last moments of someone I knew, who lived within walking distance of the place I ate, showered and laid myself down to sleep each night.  I only knew I had seen a terrible accident and someone, maybe more than one, would not be going home to their loved ones.

The photo below has two red crosses.  The upper one shows where I was standing, and the lower one shows ground zero where the BELL BH-47G2A helicopter crashed.  A building partially blocked my view and those of the people standing with me.  We watched as the helicopter rose into the air, lurched to the side, then seemed to drop sharply to the ground.  We saw a plume of smoke spurt violently into the sky, and fire engines respond to the emergency.

 

One fellow I worked with was a volunteer fireman.  He went to find out the details of the crash.  When he returned he told us the pilot had not survived, and his wife was en route to pick him up at the time of the accident. 

I still had no name for the person who had died in the accident.  I learned the next day our neighbors were preparing for a funeral, as the father of the family had passed away.  No one told me how he had died, no one told me where or when the funeral was and I went to my routine job without knowing what my neighbor had died from.  It took me nearly 15 years to piece together the two stories.

During those years, the wife of the neighbor and his children did many kindnesses for me and my children.  We have reason to be grateful for their existence and their actions on our behalf.  They have been and are a great legacy to his name and his memory.

Deseret News article

 

Nuclear Timeline

Nuclear Detonation Timeline 1945-1998 Artwork by Isao Hashimoto

Bridge to dreams

Just a face in a crowd

Cross my heart

Lights

Being glad

Having a fancy car
won't tell the world who you are
It will give false impressions
sometimes attract aggression
without regard to time or space
but it will change your place

You might not be able to reach
all the things you so long to have
but maybe if you look at your feet
you'll find your own life's not so bad
and you won't try to be what you're not
and be glad for what you've got

Solomon's Knot Tutorial

Solomon's Knot Tutorial.

Learning to use Instagram without a mobile phone

A photo posted by rltracy (@rl_tracy) on Aug 13, 2015 at 6:22pm PDT

It is like hash in my mind. I'm learning how to do it though.  Maybe I will have the funds to afford a mobile phone for myself and my children sometime. If I do, we will need to be able to understand the technology.

Date Palms

When I was little, the house my parents rented had a citrus orchard behind it with mostly grapefruit, but other trees lived there too. Each tree had its own personality. In the far corner of the orchard stood a date palm, the tallest of all the trees in the orchard. It was so tall, we could not reach the dates.

We could see the blossoms as they formed, and the ripening fruit shining like jewels in the sun, but could not ever taste them until they became overripe and fell to the ground.


The ground around the roots of the palm tree was littered with fallen fronds, leaves, pieces of bark and overripe fruit saturated with sticky sweet syrup that had dripped from the overripe fruit prior to its fall from the tree. In the hot Arizona sun the date syrup cooked and dried until it turned to amber sugar crystals.

Of course, ants, bees and other sweet loving animals always were around this tree in large numbers.

White

White is the blessed light of sun
giving warmth to everyone.
White is smooth and shining spheres
of jewels born of oyster tears.

White is a pillow softer than soft
that bears my fondest dreams aloft.
White is the crown that I will wear
when age and experience color my hair.

White is the moon and glimmering stars,
the curling strands of morning mist
the wings of a swan in flight
the curled up fingers of a baby's fist.

White is a rose spangled with dew
a tiny cloud in a sky of blue
the sweetest fruit of the tree of life
and our dear Lord who stands for truth and right.

The Canterville Ghost 1944

When I was very small, about 4 or 5 years old, we used to gather as a community at the church during the week and watch movies together.  The Canterville ghost was one of those movies we shared.

Eyes-Scriptural excerpts

The eyes are the windows to the soul.

The spirit is the light of the body.

As a man thinketh, so is he.

We are judged by our actions.

Thoughts precede actions.

Good thoughts motivate good actions.

Bad thoughts motivate bad actions.

People make mistakes.

Judge not lest ye be judged.

As a man thinketh...Scriptural excerpts

Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness:
for they shall be filled.

Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time,
Thou shalt not commit adultery:
But I say unto you,
That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her
hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.

...whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.
...whosoever shall say, Thou fool, shall be in danger of hell fire.

As a man thinketh, so is he.
As a woman thinketh, so is she.

Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness:
for they shall be filled.

Treasure in Heaven-scriptural excerpts

When thou sittest to eat with a ruler,
consider diligently what is before thee.
Be not desirous of his dainties
for they are deceitful meat.
Labor not to be rich:
cease from thine own wisdom.
Eat thou not the bread of him that hath an evil eye,
neither desire thou his dainty meats.
For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he.

Speak not in the ears of a fool,
he will despise the wisdom of your words.
Remove not the old landmark,
enter not into the fields of the fatherless.
Apply thine heart unto instruction,
and thine ears to the words of knowledge.
Withhold not correction from the child.

Neither cast ye your pearls before swine
lest they turn again and rend you.

But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven,
where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt,
and where thieves do not break through nor steal:
For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also

The light of the body is the eye:
if therefore thine eye be single,
thy whole body shall be full of light.
But if thine eye be evil,
thy whole body shall be full of darkness.
If therefore the light that is in thee be darkness,
how great is that darkness!

Bridge to forever

Arve Moen Bergset - Eg Er Framand

I'm a stranger, I am a pilgrim, 

only for one night, only for one night am I here. 

Don't close the road, for I will follow 

the people of God in battle over hills and waves. 

I'm a stranger, I am a pilgrim, 

only for one night, only for one night am I here. 

 Earth doesn't own the peace I'm seeking, 

No, I'm longing, no I'm longing for the city of God. 

There ends the sorrow, and tears are being wiped,

 and no one will anymore be laid down on the stretcher. 

Earth doesn't own the peace I'm seeking, 

No, I'm longing, no, I'm longing for the city of God. 

Dear Lord, one thing I ask from You,

 follow and lead me, follow and lead me always,You. 

By the shores of Heaven I want to end up,

 I want to come home and embrace You. 

Dear Lord, one thing I ask from You, 

follow and lead me, follow and lead me always, You.

Eg er framand, eg er ein pilgrim,
Berr' ei kveldstund, berr' ei kveldstund er eg her.
Steng ikkje vegen, for eg vil fylgja
Guds folk til strid over berg og bylgja!

Eg er framand osv.
Jorda eig ei den ro eg søkjer,
Nei, eg lengtar, nei, eg lengtar til Guds stad
Der sluttar sorga, der tørkast tåra,

Der ingen meir blir lagt død på båra.
Jorda eig ei osv.
Kjære Herre, om eitt eg ber deg:
Fylg og lei meg, fylg og lei meg alltid du! 

Ved himmelstranda der vil eg hamna,
Eg heim vil koma og deg vil famna.
Kjære Herre, om eitt osv.

I’m estranged, I’m a pilgrim.
For a mere evening, for a mere evening I am here (alive).
 Do not close the path, for I desire to follow
God’s people through struggle and waves.

 The calm I seek is not of Earth’s.
No, I long, no, I long for God’s home.
Where sorrow(s) end, where tears are wiped.
Where nobody are put dead on beds.

 Dear Lord, if only I ask You:
Follow with and lead me,
follow with and forever You lead me!
I will be at home and embrace You.

Arve Moen Bergset "Mitt hjerte alltid vanker"

Mitt hjerte alltid vanker
i Jesu føderom,
der samles mine tanker
som i sin hovedsum.
Der er min lengsel hjemme,
der har min tro sin skatt;
jeg kan deg aldri glemme
velsignet julenatt!

Jeg gjerne palemgrene
vil om din krybbe strø,
for deg, for deg alene
jeg leve vil og dø.
Kom, la min sjel dog finne
sin rette ville rom,
at du er født herinne
i hjertets dype grunn.

My heart always wanders
to Jesus' cradle,
there gather my thoughts
of their own accord.
There is my yearning at home,
there has my faith its treasure;
I can never forget you,
blessed Christmas-night!

Gladly will I palm leaves
scatter all about your crib,
for you, for you alone,
will I live and will I die.
Come let my soul find with you
it's rightful lost place,
that you were born therein
in the heart's deep grounds.

Your Motto is Wise

Your motto is: "Your motto is: Make it simple but significant." You think that the key to living a good life involves not over complicating things. Chaos leads to drama. The less you have to keep track of, the better you can do at it. You never have a problem saying "no" when you need to. You have your priorities in check, and you always know who and what matters most. You would rather do a few things well than many things poorly.

What's Your Motto?

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