Hope Springs Eternal: September 2015

Tuesday, September 29, 2015

Picture of you

I wish I could have a picture of you

one you give me that shows me
how you want me to see you
how you want me to remember you.

I want to remember you
Day and night I want to
see your face or a good likeness of you
one that reminds me of

love and respect for you.

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Home is where the heart is. Home is where the people you love reside. My children are part of my heart and my family members, but not my children's father, and he would never allow me to love his family or even my own.

If I allow my heart to reside with you then, and leave you alone, it gives me a settled place so I will not make the mistakes that lead to sorrow for my children.

I know you don't love me or them. I know they don't love you because they don't know you and they won't accept any father but their own. I know their father will make problems in my life until I have died, so I am subject to loneliness until death.

I am grateful for the love of my children, those who still love me. I regret having ever seen their father. You are the only one who can block the unpleasantness he pushes on me. So, if I make a home out of the memory of you, please don't begrudge me that memory.

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Saturday, September 26, 2015

sep 26

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I saw your parents and your cousin at the social yesterday. My son got his mission call. I passed your home while returning from the event. Of course you were not visible.

Thursday, September 24, 2015

Miss you Dad

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Autumn began yesterday,
the second autumn without my dad.

tortillas with fresh vegetables

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Avocados are a delicious and healthy topping at a Mexican restaurant.

Breakfast table

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http://guideimg.alibaba.com/images/shop/79/09/24/0/2014-new-real-touch-artificial-flower-environmental-pe-plants-grass-lavender-for-home-garden-decoration-floral-art-wedding_1504030.jpg

Flowers for the breakfast table my dear,

if we lived that kind of life

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Japanese Garden

My father was stationed in Japan just after the Korean War. He could see Mount Fuji, and he took a photo of it that won a prize in a photo competition.

Lilacs and chickadees

Some things I love and miss, chickadees and lilacs. In the spring the lilacs would perfume the air so heavily the whole yard smelled of lilacs and almost nothing else, and the chickadees would perch on the boughs and twitter. Someone moved in who didn't like lilacs and cut them all down. I miss those lilacs.