talking

Sometimes I wish I could talk with you,
really talk about how I feel, what I see
and hear you talk about what matters to you
and the things you feel and believe

But then I remember the picture you showed me
of the girl you want most to see
And I know with you there is no point in talking
of what matters most to me

Because I'm not a living doll
what I love most doesn't matter at all
to you or to those who love you
I'm not who you want to love you.

So I talk to you here, in this public place
and long every so often for a glimpse of your face
And I'll never be who you want to be with
Maybe that's one of God's gifts

Because I know what its like to be with someone
who doesn't like me at all
and never live up to the list in his mind
of who he wants as his girl.

So to have my joy in life sucked away
to be minimized by your eyes day by day
to be criticized and subtly mocked
to be judged as lacking each time I talk

I think the price is too high to pay
for living and bonding with someone
because I already feel like dying
from the last time that was done

If we are not meant to be loved in this life
and be with the one whom we love
then what are the reasons for living at all
or even waking up?