My grandbaby was born without anyone contacting me to let me know. I would have liked to know my grandchildren. But I raised some children who blame me for all of their problems. So I will never see my grandbabies.
Family can be a wonderful thing, but it can also be the most hurting thing on this earth.
It is important to be careful about who you share memories with. I just share them with you here. If I tried to share them with you in person, you might use them to hurt me, just like my children or my ex husband.
To be too close to someone is to ask for more pain I think, so I will just love you here, and maybe the others too who don't value me and blame me for their problems.
Wouldn't it be nice if there were a world where we could be away from all the negatives?
Someday I suppose my grandchildren will wonder why I didn't love them. Sometimes I feel that way about my grandparents, like they might not have liked me if they met me. Some grandparents don't. Some of us will never get the chance to see or love our grandchildren.
I think about the future. What responsibility do I have to those who have decided to exclude me from their lives and the lives they are responsible for?
I think at this point, the only thing I am responsible for is the documentation of life, in case a day comes when my grandchildren feel curious to discover who they are and where they came from. It hurts to be rootless, left without a history. It has been a big problem for me.
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