30 May 2016 Hurts to feel

Oh how it hurts to feel. I found two friends I loved are dead.

Memorial Day

Reception

Testing

29 May 2016 Meal with friend

26 May 2016

<3

Friday

Friday I will go to see a friend from many years ago. I hope he will still be my friend and it won't be too many years before i see him again.

My daughter came today

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Looking

http://static.bitstrips.com/r02.swf?c=5WD7VLoo

http://static.bitstrips.com/r01.swf?comic_id=5WD7V

'Looking'

Source: 'Looking'

Looking

Weather

Where I went today

DMV @ Department of Public Safety

Winco Foods

Discount Tires

Department of Workforce Services

Macey's

WalMart

Church

16 May 2016

Today is my nephew's birthday.  He is 24. How the years fly by.  I will be 50 in the fall.  I planted a few seeds today.  I babysat my grandchildren today. I returned my son's books to the library and answered several communications.

Yesterday I taught a class with little prior notification.  I am not the best of teachers, but will sometimes step forward in a pinch.

And yesterday, I saw you.  I was so grateful to see you again. And wary of driving you off.  You are ever and always precious to me, beautiful beyond compare. How I wish there were a you somewhere for me.

A Woman Who Walked Wisely: We Kneel in Her Shadow

13 May 2016

Today's encounter with brick walls showed some success.  We procured a new document for Henry.

Tired

ASVAB

I took a practice ASVAB today.  Years ago I scored in the 70s I think.  The score today was 89. I guess age and experience have their good points, but I am too old for the armed forces to take me in now.

Book

I'm making books for my children.  I've done it before but they didn't understand and the precious things I put in their books were removed and scattered. So, I will have to do it again.  Books of people necessities are all different. Some things that have to be in them are standard like identification documents etc.

Yesterday, I hunted information.  I helped my son register for Institute classes.  I filled out paperwork for my sons and daughters and sister.  I worked on my son's book.  Today I will work on my daughters' books.

Yesterday I helped my son register for the draft.  My other son can also register for the draft since he is 17.  I don't like the draft, but

Testing

My kids completed their testing today.It took from 9 to 11.

10 May 2016

Today I spent beating against brick walls, and more of them tomorrow.  When I think of brick walls I think of you, so I'm here to talk.

What shall we talk about dear heart?

I searched all day for ways to help my boy, all of my kids really. I wish I could find all my lost information.

I wish my sister would pull it together and get her life in order.  Stop depending on others for what she wants.

I'll put your name in the temple when we go, and hers.  I always do. I really wish everyone could be happy.  It would make life so much easier.

God is the only one who can pull us through the mess we've gotten into.

Mother's Day

Today I didn't see you.

It was the last of the temple classes.  My boy wants to go where the people his age have gone to.  Maybe he will decide he wants to proselyte after all.  He received his official release, and a recommend.

The flowers for Mother's day were red zinnias. I didn't take one.  I never do.  Motherhood has been too painful to feel honored.  There is no place for me to plant it anyway.

Sometimes I want to go home, somewhere I can have a yard where I can make weeds go away, or at least arrange them in an appealing manner, not all cluttery like they are here.  She was always cluttery in everything she did.  I am too cluttery also.

I don't want to leave a mess behind for someone else to clean up when I die.

I like to avoid Mother's Day whenever I can, and you managed to do so today.

I'm still glad to see you, and I will still always pray for you.  It is best to do that.    Someday I'll die and I will only have the relationship I have now with you that doesn't really exist at all.
And that is okay.  You would only be disrespectful anyway if I became too close to you. My sisters and brothers are, my children are, and my ex husband most definitely is.  I don't want any more of that.

So I think that distance is the only way for me to have any kind of respectful relationship with someone.

I miss my father very much.  He always did too much for us I think, made a lot of sacrifices and went out of his way for others.  He worked so very hard during his life. When he returned from working at the prison, he built, and mended and maintained things at home.

A couple of hours before he passed away, he was preparing a place for my sister to sleep when she and her family arrived for a family wedding.  As it was, he passed on Thursday, the wedding was Saturday, his funeral was Sunday and Monday we laid him to rest near his parents.

We can try to live life with no regrets but I don't think any of us really succeed on that one. 

Glen Campbell - I'm Not Gonna Miss You

I'm Not Gonna Miss You

Glen Campbell

 

I'm still here, but yet I'm gone
I don't play guitar or sing my songs
They never defined who I am
The man that loves you 'til the end

You're the last person I will love
You're the last face I will recall
And best of all, I'm not gonna miss you
I'm not gonna miss you
I'm not gonna miss you

 

I'm never gonna hold you like I did
Or say I love you to the kids
You're never gonna see it in my eyes
It's not gonna hurt me when you cry

I'm never gonna know what you go through
 

All the things I say or do
All the hurt and all the pain
One thing selfishly remains

I'm not gonna miss you
I'm not gonna miss you

http://artsytheology.blogspot.com/2013/01/clearing-clutter-and-organizing_7.html
Clearing clutter

Weather

Inception - Ending Scene - Time

I don't belong in your dreams.  And I won't bother you with mine.

There is no time for us.  The time was all spent on other people.

And we do not belong to each other.  Only to others.

Psalm 97: 11

1 May 2016

I was grateful to see you at church today.  Naturally I looked.  I think anyone would.  I just didn't pursue, but how worth looking at you are.  Beautiful as always.  I wish I could always see you.

My son Henry had his interview today.  I am most grateful he passed and may progress spiritually.

Valentine

Today I made myself a valentine out of a photo of you and a white lace paper heart doily.  I knew you would never give me one you see.  So I made one myself that I wished you would give me.

I have been very depressed and am crying lately.

I needed a you for me, a you the way I perceive you to be.

So, I asked your brother to be my friend.  He won't of course, any more than you ever will.
I just asked that's all.  He was once my neighbor, like you.

Someday i will be glad i think that you never wanted me, mainly because I'm free of all the negatives that would come of a relationship.  I only regret never knowing the positive part.

So I made a valentine of you.  I hope someday someone loves my sons and daughters like valentines.
I wish they could have the good things i missed out on.

Right now it is important for me to keep those feelings around so i can stop hating him.

So thank you for the valentine, even though you'll never give me one.  I just wanted one.  Sometimes when you want something, you have to do it yourself.

I can pretend sometimes I had someone to love.

I live in a situation where I can't have someone, so if your valentine is all I ever get to have it has to be okay.

Concrete Leaves