Lucky

It's easier to hide when something goes wrong
than tell someone else what's going on.
When I'm trying to understand what's real
and how I am supposed to feel.

Some feel angry, some feel hurt
Trying to please everyone never works.
It would be so nice if I just knew it all
made no mistakes, nor had to fall.

But I suppose if life were peachy
No one would be able to teach me.
I'd have no compassion, no love to give
I'd be insufferable to live with.

There are times when I think
my cup of humility is over filled
with too many feelings of fear and doubt
too many things to be mad about.

I feel too distressed to stay,
I wish I could run away...
But I can't just pack up and go
too many people need me I know

and in this world of people so lonely
I'm lucky to have someone who loves me.

Before

Violent hands, tearing and shaking
every promise breaking
crushing my arms, crushing my skin
crushing out my breath, crushing me within.

I am smaller, I am weaker than you.
But what I can do
is stab you with my eyes
and hate and despise

The one I promised to love and care for
the one I said I would be there for
I said I would stay
forever and a day
Oh, but that was before...

Violent hands grabbed my hair
violent hands grasped my arms
and the children cried out
in fear and alarm

I am smaller, I am weaker than you
but what I can do
is stab you with my eyes
and hate and despise

The one I promised to love and care for
the one I said I would be there for
I said I would stay
forever and a day
Oh, but that was before...

Depression

The terrible silence, my greatest fear
remains unbroken as yet by any
continues to grow inside my ears
filling my whole body.

Bound up my hands, bound up my heart
locked my mind, blinded my eyes
leaving me speechless, cold and dark,
taken my strength, forced me down to my knees.

The beautiful no longer can bring pleasure to my eye,
sound and feeling now are not what I once felt inside.
Instead this intense emptiness
has now replaced my thought and sense

and I cannot break through.
Oh God, what shall I do?.

Business

Business people are predators who wait and watch to see what will make you happy so they can take it away and sell it back to you.

Japan nuclear plant

Japan nuclear plant to release radioactive water into sea | World news | The Guardian

One of the horrible choices someone has to make to prevent a greater catastrophe. How glad I am that I am not the one who has to feel the burden of that decision for the rest of my life. I think this decision will affect the level of toxins in this world. Obviously our society needs this lesson. We have been dependent on our power supplies without really being conscious of the danger they present. The cost of human lives is tremendous. I don't think even now that we can truly comprehend the full measure of what it costs. I hope we won't have to. I hope we as a society will stop making others sacrifice for our own self fulfillment.

The price of Paradise

One revolution could not supply

power enough to satisfy.

Ten revolutions or twenty or more
still won't produce the power longed for.

And so revolutions continue over and over and on
ever the quest for power continues, never done.

What is the price, what is the cost
if one or more revolutions are lost,

will that stop this Great Machine
or is there a Great Machine to stop?

Who or what requires power
measures out the final hour.

In the end, who pays the price
to support our illusions of paradise?

Beaches

Watch the waves curl toward the land
beat themselves against the sand

hear the gulls cry as they play,
hear the tides washing away

Shells so fragile in my hand
scattered all along the strand

tossed and broken on the beach
laid out for the sun to bleach

Sun so warm against my skin
let the sun come soaking in

see the half nude people play
watch the palm trees bend and sway

Ships move slowly out of sight
beyond horizon's unbroken line

surfers stand and pitch and roll
fight the ocean for control

Sand in everything I wear
shoes, shirt, shorts, and underwear.

When I return will what I see
still be here to welcome me?

Shadow

If I could love a shadow with a love so strong and true
it never could be broken, that shadow would be you.

I'd feel your arms around me, hear you breathing in my mind,
but when I turn to hold you, empty air is all I'd find.

Thirsting for your kisses, hungry for your love,
afraid to trust or love one I can never be sure of.

Was I lost in reverie or were you really there?
Maybe my loneliness made you appear.

Not really a lover, nor a friend,
nor even a dream to bring me comfort in the night

just an echo of a feeling my heart held within,
just a wisp of a thought out of sight.

Image

If I could re-create myself as someone else

whom you could see as someone to admire
I might capture the dreams in your jaded eye
if any love still exists in your heart to inspire

After all the years pass by do feelings matter anymore
or do they wash beneath the bridges to die on rocky shores?
If you only love an image where will you be
When the image fades away, and all that's left is me?

Missing People

Sometimes when I'm going about my day

my thoughts and feelings wander away
and wrap themselves round a memory
of someone I never hear or see

My memories belong to long ago
to people I used to love and know
who I can't reach but love remains
and I hold in my heart their faces and names

And I miss the sound of their voices
I miss the sounds of their souls
I'm longing and hoping to see them again
and feel what I felt long ago

Isn't it strange when some books end
though you know what's inside, you must read them again?
That's how I feel for my friends.
I just wish I knew where they are, how they've been

I miss the sounds of their souls
those I remember from long ago
sweetness mixed with pain
wishing to know them again

Free speech and the right to remain silent

We are free in this country to say anything we think of
about anything or anyone we choose.
But saying just anything can make the world a bitter place
and speaking freely, there's so much we could lose...

We are free to say what we want but words are used as swords
to stab at innocent or unsuspecting victims
And you may find those bitter words, left alone to come around,
that you too may be wounded with them.

If we use our words wisely we can make the world better
but the world can also change through silence
and maybe some words given proper restraints
would relieve the world of violence?

A word to the wise with cautious eyes
who still understand what's at stake
Let old and young learn to govern their tongues
for all of humanity's sake.

There are thousands of words with good meanings,
and so many nice things to say
People out there do many nice things
that pass unnoticed every day.

They pass unnoticed, but should they?

The world could be so full of wonder, ideal,
if people could remember the way to feel.
Wonder at butterflies, revel in rain,
and hold back those words that might hurt them...

Enemy within

My worst potential enemy
lives inside myself

shares my face, shares my name,
shares my body, shares my brain.

We spend our waking hours
fighting for control

she to dominate
and I to save my soul

Lifelong struggle
perhaps never to win

for who can expel
the enemy within?

Who will love my children?

Who will love my children
when I am gone away?
Who will comfort when they cry
or smile when they play?

Who will teach them all
the things they'll need to know?
who will watch and pray for them
and help their faith to grow?

Who'll preserve their memories
who will ease their minds
when their souls weary of searching
for answers they can't find

Who will help them reach
for the best that they can be,
who will shield them from
the evils they can't see?

Who will love my children
teach them right from wrong
give them all I hope for them
if their mother's gone?

Labors

Oh children, so innocent you are,
playing around me without a care
still unafraid, still unaware
of all of the evils waiting out there...

When you grow up you will find
all sorts of ways people use their minds
to justify making lifelong careers
by preying on fellow men's worries and fears.

The worst monsters lurk behind nice faces
Plotters with elegant social graces
clean, well dressed, not a hair amiss
who betray with a smile, or tender kiss...

They toil not neither spin
luring the laborer within
a web of vain promises and lies
dangling the bait in front of his eyes

drawing out to the very last,
blood and sweat and tears they cast
in his face the laborer's wage
unequal to the price he paid.

Disrespect

He said, "It isn't abuse
if there isn't a bruise"
as he grasped her arms
and held her to the wall

and blocked her way
and mocked what she'd say
with no defense
she maintained her silence.

The children watched
their father rage
speak to their mother
in a condescending way

And when he was gone
the raging went on
between the children
and their Mom.

See, daddy doesn't show respect
for the mother of his children.
That makes her job much harder
when he is finally gone

They won't respect or obey her,
and she has to fight them
And disrespect rolls down the line
and rages on and on.

Patents on Life: A Crisis in Progress

Patents on Life: A Crisis in Progress

This is my paper for English 2020 written in 2006.  It was an agonizing paper for me to write because I was preoccupied with many ethical dilemmas pertaining to life and family.  I failed the class the first time around because of incompletion.  The paper is written in APA format and deals primarily with bioethics and the patent office.  I am not the best writer and I have a definite prejudice in favor of families owning all of their genetic offspring/ancestors/byproducts rather than allowing the world to be run by people wielding oppressive invasive technology.

I am truly grateful to my great neighbor Clayton White.  He did not try to write my paper for me and has not read it yet, but he identified the issue giving me writer's block and I was able to complete my paper.  There can be no better friend and neighbor than one who will give you support in a time of need.  Thank you most sincerely Brother White.