8 Oct 2009

This morning wasn't too cold. There's a cloud cover outside, and I guess that's why.

I woke up several times this morning, took a shower at 7 and headed off to school on my scooter at 7:45. I reached the classroom in the WB building and turned all the computers on. It saves time in starting class if I do that. Sometimes I arrive first. Other times, someone arrives before me and is doing their homework and other things.

Today was an exam in MGMT 2200. I finished early and headed home. I had an appointment in the CS 615b lab, or so I thought but the person I was supposed to be tutoring didn't show up. I put my name and scheduled times on the whiteboard in case anyone should happen to need my services when I'm there.

The computers in the CS 615b lab have programs and developer software that I don't have access to anywhere else. I want to practice and gain experience so I might develop programs with practical purposes sometime.

The rest of the day has been a running day. I received notice of failure from my math teacher

and I am not doing well in Anatomy.

I canceled a card, because it wore out. I shopped for groceries.I went to surplus with Dad for Summer's computer. I came home and felt just down and worn out.

At surplus someone started up a conversation, but I'm too old and too worn out for connecting with people. Other goals must be sought, not a physical connection.

I am not looking for someone new, some stranger to have a fling with. If I were to have someone, it would be someone I know, whom I am used to, and feel safe with. I will never have that in my life.

Being lonely alone is much better than being lonely inside a relationship with someone who has committed to love me but does not.

People want a product not a person. Some young ladies are regarded as trophies to be sought after and won, while others are sought only after giving up on the trophy girls. Still others are not sought  at all.

I belong in the unsought category. There is value in many things unsought and unadvertised.  If I am unsought, it is not a problem.  God can still find a place for me somewhere in his world where I can be useful.